Buying anything on sale is very appealing to me.  Often I end up with several of the same item, same brand, same size.  Otherwise I end up with several kinds of the same product but with different brands, different sizes.  All of it, after all, was on sale or there was some kind of couponing involved and I feel good that I didn’t pay full price for any of it.

Recently, I began to notice the names of the “beauty” products that take up residence in my bathroom.  They are all purchased with the idea that my appearance will be enhanced by using these soaps, creams, cleansers, and toners.  The word “toner” sounds more melodic than skin-centric, but everyone seems to know what it’s for.

It was unclear if the names of the product are meant to be descriptive of its function, or if it’s meant to make the wearer feel better about themselves.  A product described as Soft Skin Avocado & Honey sounds more like an appetizer.  Not a terribly good appetizer, as the thought of combining smooth, creamy, savory avocado with honey is quite unappealing to me.  Perhaps those with more of a sweet tooth would see the merits more readily.  If the manufacturers are going to include vegetables, I’d vote for anything that includes cucumbers.  They are refreshing, delicious, crunchy and, this is a big plus, extremely low in calories.  I would feel confident that putting a cucumber-something onto my face would not add calories to my thighs.  I would still question whether or not it would make my skin look any better, but my thighs are safe. Full disclosure:  I have used fresh, crisp cucumbers to cover my eyes during facials and I can attest to the soothing nature of the application.

Other names are not so inspiring with regards to soothing one’s eyes, skin, etc.  The Morning Burst Facial Cleanser sounds like it’s meant to jolt me awake.  I don’t want anything bursting in the morning.  Let’s not startle the nice lady when all that’s really needed is a cup of coffee.  Perhaps the Morning Burst marketers would consider renaming the product “Makes You Feel as Good as Your First Cup of Java.”  If you don’t call it coffee, it sounds more hip.

Increased scrutiny of names caused me to be more conscious of items that provide a positive description or image of the intended consumer.  Currently on my counter is Age Perfect.  I actually hold the jar up to the mirror and swoon slightly as I tell myself that I am at the perfect age and that I look perfect for my age.  Slathering it on slows my heart rate nearly as much as having cucumbers on my eyes.  I feel even better when I recall that I purchased the cream on sale.

My favorite product, however, is a facial cleanser.  It’s sudsy, and feels creamy on my skin.  I lather it on a wash cloth  chosen specially for my face.  This cleanser cleans off all the things it says it will.   It leaves my skin smooth.  Even better than smooth skin is the way I feel when I hold the jar next to my face and say to myself, “You are Positively Radiant.”  Likely I would still buy the product because of the name, “Positively Radiant.”   Yes , it was purchased with a coupon.  But even if it weren’t on sale in some way, it would be worth it to have that wonderful reminder to myself in the morning.   Going through my day having been told that I am Positively Radiant.  Boy, am I worth it!

There have been some staffing changes here at the Smart Aleck Press.  The editor, myself, has been renamed the Editor-at-Large due to some recent gains made over the holiday season.  This change in title is in keeping with our policy here at SAP to bring you truth in reporting and editorializing through the FinallyFridayBlog.com.  We will update the reading public when the editor-at-large becomes the editor-at-diet or simply just returns to being the editor.

Meanwhile, as the Editor-at-Large, I will still be getting my own coffee, answering my own phone.  Wait, we don’t have a phone, so I won’t be doing that.  Also, I will be responding to all letters to the editor in both electronic and handwritten form.  There will be no change in the staff meeting schedule.  Currently these meetings are held on an as needed basis.  The gatherings are comprised of the entire staff (myself), the editor (myself), and the editorial board.  Serving on the editorial board are the two cats that let me live here.   Theirs is not a working board; strictly advisory.  Primarily, the cats are not interested in anything that goes on with publishing the FinallyFridayBlog.com and have even less concern about the Smart Aleck Press.  What they are concerned with, actually nearly consumed with, is  maintaining their status as world-class sleepers.  Daily practice toward this goal nearly assures their status in this Olympic category.

As a reader , you can continue to look forward to having us maintain our usual standards for hard-hitting, fact-finding journalism that is found nowhere else.  Stories such as the one where we uncovered the scandal of the Easter Pig/Easter Bunny, the trouble with vacuuming wasps in the summer (and at other times) and the notable classification of Californians as the special individuals they all know themselves to be.  You can also rely on coverage of coffee as a beverage, stimulant and possibly addictive substance enjoyed by millions.  What you will get as a reader of the FinallyFridayBlog.com is in-depth information about how coffee came to be this way and possibly why.  The “why” of coffee coming to be the way it is, is currently being reviewed by the editorial board.  This remains a family site and anything possibly offensive in this arena needs review before publication.

There you have it.  The new editor-at-large pledges to keep the blog running the same way the previous editor ran it. You’re thinking that’s not really any change because I’m the same person I always was, just larger.  Remember, with new titles come new responsibilities.  We proudly accept ours!

You can expect to receive weekly posts on the FinallyFridayBlog.com by checking in with us at that web address, by liking us and/or following us on Word Press or you can wait a few weeks until the editor-at large figures out how to get this distributed through Instagram or Twitter or something.  The reason you would want to do this is because: it’s Finally Friday.

For those of you who remember me, or for those of you who never knew me, I’m writing to let you know that I’m back.  It’s been a long two years of surprise packages from the universe.  Some of you may remember reminiscences about my divorce, otherwise known as leaving the tenth circle of hell.  Dante only wrote about nine, but if you’d met the ex-husband, you would understand how there came to be another one. Not that I have any divine right to invent means of eternal retribution; I’m just pissed off enough to do so.  I digress.

This missive is about a return to the blogosphere and what occasioned the lapse in writing.  As I said, there were many surprise packages from the universe and the Big C was one of them.  Seems there was a large tumor tucked away in my peritoneum that had to be taken out.  You know how the doctors are:  As long as we’re in there, let’s do a hysterectomy!  I’m pretty much done with most of the lady parts, so I consented.  The bargain was that I would get to keep my health and my life.  At no time did any one discuss with me an option to take the removed vintage lady parts and sell them on the black market so I could obtain enough money for a down payment on a cabin on the North Shore.  Coulda, woulda, shoulda.  Dopey me, I didn’t think of it until after I was well and the damned organs were long gone.

Following the Big C surprise was a series of infections that nearly killed me.  Literally.  It’s never a good sign when several doctors stand around your hospital bed, stroking their chins, saying, “We just don’t know.”  Some of them appeared puzzled; some of them shook their heads for emphasis.  Things looked bleak.  Some of you may have surmised that your favorite smart aleck writer is a bit contrary.  It’s not that I was trying to be oppositional, I just didn’t have the good sense to die.

I figured the docs better fix it because it was getting harder and harder to be taken care of by my children.  They descended on me like white on rice and gloried in bossing me around.  Often I sat in the only chair I could use and regretted teaching them to think for themselves and to step up when things needed to be done.  I have two children that I adore, as well as my daughter’s fiancé, who’ even came from out of state to take care of me as well.  Cooking, cleaning, feeding, visiting, laundrying, you name it, they did it.  And I loved them all for it.  But every time they told me what to do, they had smiles on their faces.  Eventually I could do things on my own and I could tell they were disappointed about not being large and in charge any longer.  My daughter had even come up with a schedule for friends to sign up to take care of me.  Lovely folks all, generous to a fault.  Because of all of them, I am well, happy and have returned to a reasonable level of sassiness and sarcasm.

So here I am.  Back at this blog.  Come back again for further adventures into the psyche of the ridiculous.  See you soon.