Several months ago a man was arrested at the US-Mexico border for smuggling reptiles into this country. When apprehended, he was detained with an assortment of live snakes, lizards and toads. They were all hidden on his person in little plastic bags.

So here’s this guy, loaded up with 250 turtles, lizards and baby crocodiles, making his way through the airport with things crawling all over him. How does TSA not notice the moving bulges. Is this one of the times when men don’t notice other men’s bulges cuz they’re bro’s? Does he just stand up until he gets on the airplane?  Then what? Does he have a special way of sitting so that they don’t squish? If they squish, do they automatically get sent to the purse factory? I carry an alligator bag myself. Maybe I own one of the cousins. 

News reports indicate that this industrious fellow has been engaged in his chosen profession for six years. His grand total for items brought into the U.S. is 1,700 creatures. Apparently authorities had difficulty catching up to him due to the fact that it wasn’t always obvious what he was doing. Don’t we all count on TSA not looking in our pants? That is unless the agent is good looking.

On the receiving end, this guy was helped by his sister. They shared an apartment and sold the critters out of their abode. News reports didn’t identify the city where they lived, so I guess a little peeky poo is out of the question. But what kind of people are they, that are so up close and personal with things that can literally crawl under your skin. No amount of itch cream would make me do that for a living. It sounds like they enjoyed a nice profit margin by selling their products to stores as well individuals. Then, the man would return to Mexico and bring in another shipment. Street value for this total of creepy crawlies was cited as $739,000. Who knew that a literal two-eyed snake in a guy’s underwear could be so lucrative.

I kept wondering:  How did he hide 250 reptiles on himself and smuggle them onto a plane? The answer was much simpler than anything I would have imagined. He put them in his clothes. Not just pockets, but everywhere. Slimy, crawly things in his pants, shirt, and who knows where else. I don’t believe that I would consciously date any guy who would put snakes in his underwear. And just exactly how do you transport horny toads? Does one use the horny toads as advertising for oneself? Does he just say, “Wanna see my horny toad?” Not much better than the question about seeing a ONE eyed snake. Even if they were in plastic bags, would you really want some of the creatures in your underpants? Or elsewhere. . . Ouch! Really, how does one get comfortable stashing reptiles on one’s person to smuggle them. Not just once, but for many trips over the course of several years. Certainly gives new meaning to snakes on a plane.